Spring is in the air...

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend....filled with lots of chocolate and hopefully gorgeous Spring weather.

Anticipation...

ummmmm....I can't wait until I can see this movie....

I am already in love with it!

For the love of cloth diapers!

If you have been thinking of making the switch to cloth diapering....do it! Not only do you get the benefits of saving the environment and being cost effective....they are beyond cute and addicting to collect. Yup...I am officially superficial ;). 

Chilling in a swim cloth diaper...

Admiring oneself in a cloth diaper is a must!

We have been cloth diapering since Felix was about 2-3 months old. We tried different brands, and we settled on Applecheeks. They work well for us, are made in Canada, great customer service, easy to use (we use them as a pocket diaper), and they are just so darn cute. :)

If you are worried about cloth diapers being a ton of extra work....don't be! We have a front load washer....the whole washing routine takes about 3 hours (and that is only because I am compulsive obsessive about getting all the suds off of them). We have about 20 size two diapers (I believe they are from 20lbs up to potty training for size two) and they last for 3 days if need be. So if you have enough diapers, you only need to do laundry every 2nd or 3rd day. Pooped in diapers get cleaned off/sprayed and then we put them in their designated soaking bucket that is filled with water and a tiny bit of Rock in Green diaper detergent. Wet diapers we just put into a wet bag. Once laundry day has arrived I literally put all the diapers into the washer (dump the poop diaper bucket in with water and all) I don't have to un-stuff the diapers (I use them as pocket diapers) because the inserts agitate out!!! (awesome product detail for Applecheeks). I put everything on for a 20 minute rinse and spin cycle (without detergent) on cold water. Once that cycle is done, I put the load on for a 6 minute just rinse cycle on cold/warm....no spin...this leaves all the water in the wash. I find, extra water is key for washing diapers in a front load washer....you can even add extra water with a bucket through the detergent compartment. After the load is good and soaked, I put it on a sanitary hot water cycle (my machine has an extra soiled button...which makes the cleaning cycle longer, so I press that as well and add a scoop or scoop and a half (depending on size of load) of Rock in Green detergent to the proper compartment. This usually makes the diapers come out perfectly clean. I sometimes want to make sure that all soap has come off the diaper in the wash, so I usually re-wet them with a rinse cycle (6 minutes) and then put them on another quick regular cycle with warm or cold water (no detergent) for another 40 minutes (or sometimes just the rinse and spin cycle again). 

Voila!!! squeaky clean diapers....I have never had a staining/smell issue! 

After washing them I find it best to hang dry everything....if you are in a rush, just hang dry the covers (they dry super fast) and put the inserts in the dryer. I just find hanging the covers to dry gives them more of a longer life. 

I am actually a little sad that Felix will be potty training soon and we will no longer be using cloth diapers :( 

Have you ever tried cloth diapers? What is your experience with them?

My little helper with stuffing the diapers...

 

Some food for thought....

Happy Anniversary!

Four years ago, on February 22nd, we headed off to Tofino, BC to get married...

We found the perfect place at the Long Beach Lodge Resort and within three weeks of finding it (we weren't looking/planning at all...just stumbled upon the perfect place through a friend), headed there to get married/eloped. We told family and friends of our plans beforehand, so it wasn't an "official" run-off-and-get-married-without-telling-a-soul-elopement ;)

The wedding/ceremony was just the two of us, and was perfect for us. We loved every minute of those very special few days. Our only regret? Not staying longer!

 

We wore what we wanted, took our own photos, got up before dawn to explore the beaches with our camera, ate ridiculously good food, slept in, and kept our own schedule...perfect for us.

We stayed in our own two storey! private wooden cabin with a fireplace and jacuzzi tub in the backyard surrounded by forest....perfect for us.

We sent out a little letter and a photo of us on our special day after we got back to family and friends...perfect for us.

Was or are you hoping/planning your special day to be perfect for you?

My experience with postpartum depression

Hmmmm...just writing that title was scary. So here goes nothing.

I don't know really where to start exactly. I just really felt it was important to be honest about this scary & sad subject.

We love looking at photos from those first few months when we had Felix....how tiny he was (how sleepy!) etc... Felix has actually been LOVING watching videos of himself and photos flash by the computer screen, he could literally sit still for an hour and watch himself :)

Looking back at these photos, you would never know that we were going through the hardest time (thus far) for us. The photos look idyllic...warm, vibrant, colourful, happy, smiling, new family.

The detachment I felt started for me instantly really. I gave birth on a Friday afternoon and we left the hospital on the Monday afternoon. I didn't change a diaper or his clothes during those days, I was scared to touch him, that I would hurt him. I had no idea what I was doing.

I think, looking back, I was so overwhelmed with everything. I definitely take longer than most people to absorb new things. I need to do it on my own. Take my time with it. Really think it out. You don't get to do that in this situation ;) I was handed this tiny human and was told I had a son. It didn't click in my brain.

I had already felt like the world's worst mother during my pregnancy. Everyone always says that women fall in love and feel like mothers as soon as they see the positive pregnancy test, and men follow suit once the baby is handed to them. I never felt that during my pregnancy. I loved being pregnant etc... but I could not connect that way. It made me feel terrible. We had tried so hard to get pregnant for two years, and against odds we finally got pregnant. This little baby was so wanted, what was wrong with me? So I thought it would happen at birth. Once I saw this beautiful (ok, wrinkly and squished) little baby, I would instantly connect. I didn't. I thought it was due to just having pushed a baby out of my body, lack of sleep, lack of food, etc....everything would be normal once we got home from the hospital. Funny enough, while we were at the hospital a lady came around with pamphlets regarding postpartum depression and signs to look out for, numbers to call etc... We assured her we knew all about it...Justin has degrees in psychology and counseling...we told her not to worry, that we were very in tune with ourselves and aware of these things. Silly know-it-all's we were ;)

I think because we only ever hear about the extreme cases of postpartum depression....the ones that end in violence...there is such a horrible stigma attached to it. You instantly feel ashamed and guilty. I was too afraid to tell anyone because in my warped head I was afraid that I would be pumped full of pills and that Felix would be taken away from me. I realize that some cases, where depression is severe, mother's need medicine to help them cope and the child(ren) need to be safe. But I think the less severe cases need to be talked about too. I had the less severe case of postpartum depression, which by no means, made it seem "easy". Less severe in my eyes, means that I never wanted to harm my child or myself. I did want to throw the baby monitor against the wall countless times (but didn't....it was damn expensive).

Things only got harder when we got home. Not a day went by in the first four months that I did not cry (several times). Justin was my rock (still is). I would not have survived without him by my side. He took over feedings, diaper changes, got up in the middle of the night several times.....every night. Every. Single. Night. That man got up for feedings and diaper changes. I would get panic attacks and could not sleep at night because I was constantly waiting for Felix to wake up...I was always watching that stupid monitor. Justin took over nights so I could try to sleep.

We took a huge financial fall during that first year. Justin stayed home a lot from work because of everything that was going on with me. I would just sit and cry. I felt dead inside...as dramatic as that sounds. All I felt was sadness and anger. I just remember getting angry at the drop of a hat. It was so instant. It was so out of character. About a month in, we knew what it was. I think it helped Justin somewhat to know that it wasn't him. That he wasn't doing anything to make me this sad and angry. It wasn't Felix either. We dealt with it the best we knew how. I started taking some prenatal vitamins again along with some fish oil (and something else I can't remember), to get my hormones to even out again. We had read that a lot of women "crash" after birth, so many vitamins and hormones are entering the body while pregnant and then after birth it gets nothing anymore, which can be very hard on it. Maybe it was all in my head, but this helped a bit. I also stopped breastfeeding all together at three months. I was pumping a lot at that point and not breastfeeding him much at all anymore, we also had been supplementing with formula since he was two weeks old. I needed my body back for my own well being. This also helped me a bit. Having Justin there to help was my saving grace. After the first four months, things slowly improved. At the year mark, things were good.

I try not to feel guilty. I try not to feel like a terrible mother for that first year. I worry sometimes that I wrecked the bonding process with Felix (when he runs to his papa when he his hurt instead of me). I have to remind myself that it was no ones fault. It can happen to anyone. I love my son. I loved him from the moment I saw him, my head just needed time to catch up with my heart.

I think some of the factors that added to our experience were that we had no support system whatsoever. We lived in a different province from the rest of our family. We had no one to take Felix for a few hours to give us a break. It was Winter which can always be a bit depressing after a while ;). I don't drive and we had no buses in our area, so I was stuck at home. We had no friends...we had recently moved to NB and were just starting to get to know a couple of couples (both of which had no kids)....so no support system there either.

Our experience still has residual effects for us even now, two years later. Justin is just now, getting use to giving me more responsibility with Felix (not carrying most of the workload on his own or taking over automatically when Felix gets difficult to handle) and when we talk about the possibility of another baby down the line, the likelihood of re-occurrence worries us.

This is just my experience. I don't recommend or not recommend (does that make sense?) anything that we did, it worked for us at the time. If we ever have another baby, we plan to talk about our experience with the midwife. We plan on having a postpartum doula as extra support. We will try to have a support system in place. And I know this might sound strange, but I plan on having my placenta encapsulated...I think it will help balance my hormones after birth.

I had postpartum depression...and I am not ashamed.

Missing...

Today I am missing our "things"...our "stuff"....our "home"...When we made the decision to move to Switzerland, we were living in New Brunswick in a lovely rented house that we fixed up (they let us paint anything and everything, whatever colour we wanted!...I always wanted green apple kitchen cupboards :) ) When all was decided, we gave up the house, sold most of our furniture and donated a lot of things, packed everything up that we wanted to keep and ship to Switzerland when the time came (It is in storage in NB right now-32 boxes and a few odd items...out "things"). We then moved to Ontario to my mom's place, where we now rent out part of the house. Our thoughts were this: This way we were ready to move at the drop of a hat once Justin got a job offer, we wouldn't have a lease, packing, or downsizing to deal with. Original plan was to move this Spring, but we decided that it would be best for Justin to get his actual teaching license (he does have teaching experience, but his other tow university degrees are not in teaching). Long story short, we are here at my mom's place for a little while longer. While we have a few things that we brought with us (mostly Felix's things to be honest), sometimes, I just miss our "things"...our own space. 

Want to reminisce with me? Here are some photos of our old place....

 

 Having to wait a long time for something very exciting to happen can be frustrating at times, but I just keep reminding myself that it is definitely worth all the sacrifices that we have been making. The end goal is worth the wait. In the mean time, I definitely try to enjoy the moment too....but sometimes, it's okay to be a little sad too :).

 

Excitement is building...

Justin has his teacher's college interview this weekend! With the start of February my excitement for moving to CH is building! I think it is because we have hit the "one year mark". In approx. one year we will be filling out our visa form, and we will start officially job hunting (applying) and apartment hunting too. One year goes by so bloody fast...and this is why I am getting the butterflies already :)

This year will have so much more preparation in it, making it zoom by even faster. Once (fingers crossed) Justin gets accepted to teacher's college, we will be busy with figuring everything out with that (bursaries, loans etc). But, once that is all organized, our concentration will once again fall on Switzerland. We have been looking at all the different school sites in CH, looking at their hiring pages etc...and of course daydreaming. We can't wait! I am so excited for Felix to start school over there! I just really think that it will be an amazing experience all around! :)

Are you excited about something?

Yes, I know the  school treat cones are not that common in Switzerland (more so Germany), but I am totally going to get Felix one for his first day of school! :)