I'm 35 years old...I honestly never had expectations for where I would be at in life at this point. I mean, I hoped that I would be happy and stable, but actual goals ticked off...not really. I never felt crazy passionate about a certain career...I think every 9 year old wants to be a veterinarian when they grow up, right? More so in the last 5 years (since having kids...go figure) have we set a clear goal of what we really want out of life. The big thing being a move to Europe.
To further ourselves towards that finish line (and it seems oh so far away still) we gave up a lot...but we also gained a lot and are very lucky. I think I have gotten caught up in societal expectations since having our second child. With one child you can get away with being a bit topsy turfy still in your life...but once you have a second (I think) people start to expect things from you more. This is all my thinking really...I think I just feel this pressure to own a house and be settled somewhere already...to have a career of my own.
Justin and I had good long talk about all this lately (an ongoing chat I guess ;) )...we've just been struggling lately to just take a breath and enjoy the now (something we struggle with a lot)....this is our life right now....we are living it...we should enjoy it....and stop worrying about where we think we should be...where others think we should be in life...just be in the moment.
We are lucky. We have a lovely (yes, cramped...errr...cozy!) rented apartment right downtown...a minute walk from an amazing cafe I work at with awesome people. Justin has a good steady job while he is looking for teaching work. Our children are crazy and healthy. We are healthy. We love each other...even on the hard days we can make each other laugh.
We. Are. Lucky.
...and I am thankful.
I am actively going to rid myself of negativity when it creeps in my head...that is my goal for right now. Concentrate on us...the now. Be happy with what we have right now and stop constantly looking ahead and missing what is right in front of me. I know it sounds cliche because we hear it all the time, but it is so very true!
On that note...I wish you all a pleasant (and hopefully cool) Summer evening....
I feel like a broken record, but our life is still so up in the air, so this post really resonates with me. Baby #2 is due in October and my husband is applying to out of state jobs -- definitely no stability in that scenario. We are thankful we are healthy, that he has a decent job, we live in a beautiful city... but this isn't where we want to be, so it's hard to live in the moment because we're so focused on what's next. Thanks for the reminder to be present, especially for the children :)
ReplyDeletei totally get where you are coming from...once we decided we wanted to move to europe, everything here seemed "blah" because we didn't want to be here anymore. we also didn't want to get too attached to any place here. we are starting to realize that it is okay to enjoy our time here, make memories & traditions. this isn't just a stop-over, but our life. we still hope and dream (and work towards) our end goal, but taking a deep breath and looking around...and enjoying, while we are setting the wheels in motion.
Deleteit is hard not to get discouraged when we are heading into the 4th year of our plan to move to europe, but we are keeping our hope for one day. :)
hugs to you....i am soooo excited for you!!!! babies are awesome...especially when they are asleep like mine is right now! ;)